Fallen Raven
by DarkF4s
Summary: A couple of Raven centered tragic and angsty stories about her feelings. Contains depression, character deaths, suicide. Slight RobxStar in the 1st fic, though Raven is the main character.
1. I'm alone

A/N: hmm, my 1st fic. Don't expect much, I'm a total newbie. But I hope you like it, I'm trying to make this as good as possible. This is a bit of thinking Raven does, when she's alone. Plz review after reading. Thx a lot guyz. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything, except for my soul.

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**I'm...alone**

Alone. Finally, I'm alone! We just came back from a fight with Cinderblock. The others decided to relax in the common room by watching that stupid TV. I closed my door, so that I can't hear it. I'll have to meditate for the rest of the day, so I warned them not to disturb me. I hope we won't have to fight against any other criminal today. I feel, that I couldn't control my emotions, if we had to go on a mission.

I don't know why, but in the last few days I've been losing control of my powers. Even Beast Boy's usual annoying jokes make me want to destroy everything around. Of course I seem to be calm, but deep inside my soul...

I'm fighting. Fighting for sanity, fighting to remain as normal as I can be. Fighting against all the hatred, anger, frustration, that's built up in me. And I feel, that I'm losing this battle. Now I have to meditate almost all day to keep my emotions in check. But it's not enough. More and more my emotions are forcing their way out of me. I can feel as they are killing me from the inside. They are suffocating me, forcing their way out. And I don't know how long I can keep them back. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

It all started a week ago. I was reading my book in the common room as I always do, when I'm not meditating. The others went out to get some pizza, because all the food in our fridge is overgrown by disgusting blue fungus. I remained in the tower. They tried to take me with them, but I really wasn't intrested to hear a typical fight between Cyborg and Beast Boy about the "true food". So I stayed at home, to finish reading my book. The time went by so quickly, that I haven't noticed that it was already beggining to get dark. I heard as they arrived with the T-car. Cyborg and Beast Boy were still arguing, and then challenged each other to a duel in a stupid video game. I've decided to go to the roof, so I can avoid their shouting at each other while they're playing. As I was going to the roof I noticed that Robin and Starfire were standing in the hallway too close to each other. Too close for friends. They were whispering something to each other, and were obviously blushing. I wanted to leave them, but in a second they hugged and kissed! I couldn't believe it! Robin and Starfire kissing? I was shocked, so I just ran quickly to the stairs which lead to the roof. Luckily they didn't see or hear me. My heart was beating so fast I thought it's going to jump out of my chest. I tried to calm myself down, but nothing worked. The image of them kissing, the sight of their lips pressing against each other was the only thing I could think of. I've known that they had had a crush on each other for a long time, but to actually kiss? It was just unbelievable.

And since that accident my control over my powers was slipping. The others haven't noticed yet, but I can feel it. And now I know why is this happening. Because I'm afraid. Afraid, that I'll never find love, that I'll be forever alone. I know, that I could hurt others, if my emotions get out of control, but sometimes I just wish to be seen. To feel alive. To forget my demon side and laugh at Beast Boy's jokes. To hang out with my friends, to enjoy life as everyone else on this DAMNED PLANET! WHY? WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY, WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN LIKE THIS? I DESERVE A BETTER FATE THAN THIS, AFTER ALL THE SACRIFICES, AFTER ALL THE SADNESS I DESERVE MUCH MORE! THE OTHERS CAN FIND LOVE! I DESERVE LOVE AS WELL! YET NO ONE HAD EVER LOVED ME. AND NO ONE EVER WILL. I HATE THIS! I HATE MYSELF, I HATE THE WORLD, THE PEOPLE, LIFE AND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE! IF I COULD JUST... Wait. What's happened? For a moment it felt like my emotions had taken me over. And I see, that my room is wrecked. Books lay on the floor, mirrors cracked, windows broken. Did I do this? I couldn't! I-I can control my emotions better, than to let them out. But if this happened to my room, then...

Oh no! I must find the others! I run to the common room as fast as I can. Please let them be okay! The hallway is almost completely destroyed. Wires and pipes were torn out of walls. The floor is littered with glass everywhere. I finally get to the kitchen. The door isn't in it's place. It's deeply embedded into the wall on the right. The whole room is a mess. Plates and cups, shattered or cracked objects everywhere. No, I couldn't have done this! Yet I know the truth. It was me. No one else. Just me. But I have to find the others. As I walk through the rubble I notice a pile of debris, probably a part of the roof. It's exactly where we had the table. And as I walk closer I notice that there are two figures under the rocks. I quickly run to them. They are completely burried beneath the rocks. I use my healing abilities to sense whether they're alive. Nothing. Their hearts are silent like the night. They're...dead. I see pieces of pink clothes and a green glove. Robin and Starfire. No, this can't be real! And what about the others? I run into the next room, where Cyborg and Beast Boy used to play video games. The carnage is shocking. Every single window has exlpoded, glass shards are stuck into the walls like bullets. And on the couch are two players. Beneath them...blood. I'm scared of what I'll see, but I decide to take a look at them. In the next moment I regret my choice. I vomit as I see two boys, each of them has a controller in their hands. Their bodies have cuts all over. Shards in their arms, torsos... and their heads as well. It seems, that the TV has exploded while they were leaning close to it, trying to concetrate during the game. I check their signs of life. Nothing. They're dead as well. I killed them. I killed all of them.

So, here I am, sitting on my bed. It's quiet. And it will be quiet forever. Because I killed the people, who cared for me. My friends. My companions. I'm getting irritated by this silence. For the first time in my life I wish I could hear them arguing over food. I wish I could hear one of Beast Boy's lame jokes, Starfire's laughter, Robin's commands.

But I won't. Never again. Because I'm alone.

Forever.

Alone.

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A/N: So that's all folks. I know it's kinda sad, but I can't help it. I feel alone as well, so I guess that's my source of inspiration for this. Reviews please. If I get enough of them I might make another story like this. Any critics welcome, but write how you truly felt about this. Thx guyz, see you later.


	2. The thrill of dying

A/N: Umm, I wanted to make a different Raven story as well. For inspiration I was listening to Muse (the best band ever, love their songs). This one is sad as well, conatins suicide scenes, blood and depression. This story is not connected to the previous one. I'm just a great Raven fan, and I sympathize with her. I understand her pain that she feels deep inside. Well, enjoy. And then review plz! Thx.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Teen Titans (unfortunately).

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**The thrill of dying**

She meditates on the roof of the tower. Repeating those three words, endlessly, time after time, just to keep her emotions under control. She has to do this, or else others might get hurt. With great power comes great responsibility. But how can you expect a teen, almost a kid to bear the fate of the entire universe on her shoulders? How can you expect anyone to remain emotionless? To battle the inner demons of her soul alone? No human being could survive this. They would go insane and probably kill themselves. "But I won't! I'm stronger, than anyone else. I must be stronger!" - she thinks to herself as she levitates in the air with crossed legs. The sun is setting down. A beautiful sight. Even for a frozen heart. For her frozen heart. She smiles a bit and a tear of happiness runs down her pale face. At least she can have these tranquil moments for her comfort. She treasures these precious moments, 'cause they help calm her mind and heart.

Both of them are rebelling against their fate. Her mind whispers words, that she can not silence. Telling her to start living her life to the fullest. To forget about her curse for some days, so she could have some happy memories in her life as well. She knows, that the life she lives is in no means normal. Not because of her powers. The other Titans have superpowers as well, but they seem to be... happy. Oh how she envies their luck. They don't have to worry about losing control of their powers. They seem to be so natural. Just like the other teens. But then again, to Raven everyone seems normal, even if annoying and stupid. Because they live their lives, and she doesn't.

However her greatest enemy is her heart. And the love that lives inside her. The love for her teammate, that immense feeling. The love, that keeps her awake at nights, unable to sleep, making her cry silent tears into her pillow. Cry the tears of a broken heart. Because she knows, that this love can never fulfill. Not as long as she is cursed this way. As long as she has to hide under her cold mask, that shakes you to your very core. You need just one small glance at her amethyst eyes to see all the pain she buries under this facade. You can see her begging for help, begging to be loved by someone. And no one has noticed this yet. How's this possible? Are they blind to her suffering, does all their happiness cloud their eyes? It seems so. At least Raven sees it this way.

The sun has disappeared behind the horizon, and the night is approaching. She decides that it's time to go inside. Soon it will be cold, and she could get really sick if she stayed outside. But would it matter? Would anyone care, if she got sick? Her thoughts wandered into different ways. Maybe they'd finally find out how she felt, accept her and try to make her life turn to have a better future. Maybe they would give her the attention she needed while she was sick, but then would go back to the same life as before, and Raven would be abandoned again. And maybe... they wouldn't care if something happened to her. That maybe they wouldn't care if she died? Is it possible? They'd say the usual things: she was a good friend, we will miss her, blah, blah, blah. And after a month she would be completely forgotten. Her memory faded away. She would just disappear, with nothing left behind.

She arrived into her room. Clean room, everything's in perfect order. However this is the darkest room in the tower. Even during the day the darkness remains inside, forever cold, waiting for someone to enter, and light it up with warmth. But the only person who comes in here is darkness itself, her soul darker than any shadow on Earth. Empty and chilling like the space, with no stars to break the suffocating sadness. And this lonelines becomes more and more unbearable with each passing second. She starts to breath heavily as she feels the weight of her own emptyness. She falls on her knees, as if she had lost all strength in her legs. She looks at the ground, but all she sees in front of her spiritual eyes are the smiles of her friends. Jealousy overwhelms her. She would like to go with them into the city, laugh, have fun, play sports, talk about movies, video games, go to a cinema, and... love. Tell the boy how she truly feels about him. Tell him all those sweet words lovers use to whisper into each other's ears, blushing, gently kissing, hugging.

She begins to cry, quietly, but with each new image more loudly. She needs to get out, needs to escape from all this. There has to be some way to ease this pain! And then she remembers the object, that could bring her the peace she wants to feel. She goes to her closet and pulls out a small box. Inside it she finally finds her "medicine". Scissors. Silvery, sharp scissors, probably a gift from Starfire. She never really used it, but she put it away if she ever needed it for some reason, although she never thought, that this will be the reason. She looked at the shining blade, her pale face, amethyst eyes and violet hair reflected by the metal. She grabs and holds the blade of the scissors as if she held a knife. Then she lowers the blade to her wrist. The cold steel touches her soft, smooth skin. A new emotion engulfs her, as she sees the blade on her wrist: a mixture of fear and ecstasy. She pushes the blade and feels her skin punctured by the scissors. Slowly she drags the blade round her wrist. A circle of sweet pain, the feeling extended by the huge amount of adrenaline in her body. She takes the scissors and cuts her other wrist in a circle as well. She drops the blade and lays down on her bed, experiencing her first truly happy moment in her life. As the warm blood rushes from her wounds, she closes her eyes and dreams about her love. She's touching his body, rubbing his lovely arms as he hugs her. She gets lost in his dreamy eyes, all her worries disappear as he smiles at her. Their lips getting close and then touching in a way, that makes her shake. Perfect harmony, the darkness disappears, just as the vision becomes blurry. She opens her eyes again, but can't sit up on her bed. Her body's numb, but she can feel the warm liquid. And as she rests on her blood-soaked bed she realizes. "I'm dying!" - she whispers to herself, her voice only a shadow of the breeze blowing outside the tower. She turns her head to her side, looks down and there are the fountains of her crimson rivers. But she doesn't want them to stop spilling her life. Not now that she's finally happy. With the last remains of her strength she clenches her fists making the blood run from her wrists faster then before. With a smile on her face she closes her eyes and slips back into her beautiful dream.

1 hour later

A loud knock on Raven's door. With no answer from inside, a boy's voice is heard.

"Umm, Raven I just wanted to ask you, if you would like to ... umm, maybe go out with me somewhere. You know, go into a restaurant or somethin' like that. I, mean, if you don't want to, we could go anywhere you want, just ... umm, well, I wanted to know if you would come? Just you and me." His voice was shaking, as he nervously said these words, careful not to make any mistake. He loved Raven too much to ruin this. He felt, that Raven might feel the same way about him, but was too afraid to say it openly to him. So, he decided to take her on a date. And now he waited for her answer. However no sound came from the room of his "dark princess".

"She must be already asleep. I guess I'll wake her up in the morning with a small kiss on her lips. Yes, that's it! She would surely like it, and I could finally confess my feelings to her. Well until that, nice dreams, my darling Raven." - he whispered to himself quietly, while walking back to his room, already smiling as he thought about his romantic plan to show his beloved what he felt for her.

"Yes, tomorrow morning. I can feel it'll be a start of something beautiful in both our lives. I can't wait!" He lay down on his bed, his heart beating to the rhythm of his burning love for the one person he has ever loved. And he'll let her know in a couple of hours. His precious beautiful angel.

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A/N: Wow, I didn't expect it to become so brutal and sad, but well...what's done is done. Oh, and Raven died. It's just that I wanted to make it a bit more lighter. Anyway I hope you liked it. I didn't put in any actual pairing, so fill in the character you want. Poor Raven. ;(( sheads a few tears, then starts writing again OK, OK, I'll try to make something happier next time. But I think this is quite good as well. Plz review, any opinion is accepted.


	3. The Mistake

A/N: OK, this is the 3rd part of this little story collection. This one is told entirely from the POV of Raven. I'd like to use this opportunity to thank **_AnimationWickedRaven_** for writing me the first review: thx, this one is for you:) I don't know how many chapters I'll make, it depends on the reviews and inspiration. And I don't have too much of that right now. I was thinking of finishing this collection with this chapter. Anyways, hope you enjoy this, and remember to review in the end. Thx a lot guyz.

Disclaimer: I STILL DO NOT OWN the TEEN TITANS!

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**The Mistake**

Another mistake. I feel like my whole life is defined by mistakes, like all of this would be my fault. And maybe it really is, but I don't really care right now about whose fault is what happened to me and those around me. You could blame me for not being able to control my powers despite my best efforts. You could blame my mother for not killing me when she had a chance, thus giving evil a base from which to strike at the world. And you could blame my father for...well, pretty much everything bad in my life. It is HIS corruption that taints my life, it is HIS influence that makes me lose all control and destroy everything around me. But all this means nothing right now. There's no blame, no reason to feel guilty. But I do feel guilty. After all, it was me who killed the only person who tried to get close to me. The only one who wanted to be with me despite my demon heritage, despite what I looked like, despite how I treated him and everyone else. Despite the fact that I could hurt him. Or kill him.

Since I joined the Teen Titans I've tried to live a monotone life, every day was the same. I woke up in the morning, drank some tea, read my book, then meditated. If there was no attack in the city, I could meditate all day without feeling hunger, thirst or exhaustion. In the evening I'd go get something to eat, but I never ate much. Maybe my demon side didn't need food and could live without it. And so it went like this day after day, never changing, careful not to go into any kind of extreme. And I thought that I could maintain this 'ritual' forever. But I was mistaken.

This was a day like any other. I went into the kitchen to get some tea. As the water was boiling I felt someone was looking at me. I quickly turned around, but no one was there. I shrugged, and returned my attention to making the tea. However I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. I thought, that maybe I was just too tired 'cause I hadn't slept too well. To tell the truth I didn't sleep at all. No matter how much I tried I just couldn't. I've been thinking about a person that became very close to me in the last few months. He's been there for me whenever I felt sad, whenever I needed someone to talk to. He was the only one who knew what I felt, what I was hiding underneath the cold surface I tried to show the world. He knew exactly when I wanted to be alone and when was the time too cheer me up. And he was the only one who...loved me.

Yes, loved me. I felt his love for me every time I looked into his eyes. Every time I felt lost in them, I forgot the world around me, forgot my pain and just stared at him. And only looking at him made me feel safe. I felt needed, wanted. I felt, that even though I was half-monster there's chance for me to be happy. Once again I was mistaken.

All of that was meant to change on a single day. As I left the kitchen with my cup of tea I heard as the others were coming my way. I didn't feel like saying 'hello' to them, so I just teleported onto the roof of our tower. It was dawning. A cold northern wind blew, making my cloak wave in the air. It was refreshing, I felt free. The sun was crawling upwards, trying to chase away the darkness of the night. I just stood there and slowly drank my tea. I felt at peace, I wanted to hold this moment forever inside me. The serenity of this sight was undescribeable. But as all the things in life, this moment had to disappear as well. I felt saddened by the loss of something so beautiful, but I reminded myself, that I'll see another dawn on the next day. And I was mistaken.

I walked back to the kitchen to return the empty cup. The other Titans were seated around the table, eating and discussing their plans for the day. I entered when Starfire was explaining Robin, Beast Boy and Cyborg some Tamaranian custom with as much enthusiasm as it was possible for a living being. I sighed. Starfire was always so popular. Everyone liked her, despite her strange habits and problems with speaking English. Of course all her flaws were outweighed by her happy attitude, her devotion to others, childish innocence and her beauty. She was everything I wasn't. I was seen as a depressed, uncaring, sarcastic creepy freak. Everyone saw me this way, except for my love. As I entered the kitchen he instantly turned his head towards me and smiled.

"Good morning, Raven." - he said with gentle voice. The others greeted me as well, but my mind was fixated only on HIS words. Simple words, yet to me they meant all the faith in happiness I've ever had.

"Hi." - I replied with a cold voice from underneath my hood. My own words hit me like tons of bricks. Compared to his sweet voice mine was like an echo from an icy cave. I turned away from them and put my cup in the sink.

"Glorious of you friend Raven to join us in the consuming of these earthly delights!" - Starfire explained happily, while hugging a tube of mustard with a straw in it.

"Umm, no thanks, I'm not hungry. I'll just go to my room and meditate." - I said with slight disgust at the sight of her actually drinking mustard.

So I left the kitchen and started to walk to my room, when I suddenly heard someone running after me. I turned around and saw my love approach me. My heart began to beat wildly and I started blushing. Luckily I wore my hood and the lights were turned off, so my face remained in shadows.

"Raven, I just wanted to know, if you could maybe talk to me after meditating. I wanted to talk to you about something very important. But I know that you need to meditate, so if you won't talk to me today I'll understand." - he said quietly while smiling at me shyly.

I thought I'll faint in that moment, I'm sure I was blushing like never before. I could hardly breathe, my heart seemed to try race with the feelings flooding inside me.

"Umm, I-I guess we could...umm talk right now. I'll meditate later." - was all I could say at that moment. My voice was shaking. I couldn't believe what was happening. My love wanted to be with me and talk about something very serious. And from his expression it wasn't difficult to guess what was his reason.

So we decided to go up to the roof. I wanted to be with my love at the same place I used to feel calm and safe. I never thought much about romance, but this situation made me happier than anything before. We sat down at the ledge of the roof, our feet hanging down from it in the air. The sun was shining at us from above, the sea was hitting the rocks on the shore and a gentle breeze blowing at us. If you could imagine heaven: this would be it. This was the perfect place for my soul. And now I was sitting here with the only person I've ever loved. We sat there a couple of minutes just enjoying the serenity of the moment. Then he looked at me.

"Raven. The reason why I wanted to talk to you is, that I wanted to tell you something. Something I wanted to tell you a long time, but never found the courage to tell you." - he said nervously, his voice clearly filled with anticipation. I didn't know what to say so I just nodded. He looked down at the sea, sighed and continued speaking.

"I've known you for some time now. You're a very good friend of mine and I like you a lot." - he looked in my eyes and once again I started blushing. He took my hand into his own. He looked at our hands, and then put his other hand on mine, so he was now holding my hand with both hands. He turned to me and approached me a bit. I felt that the most beautiful thing in my life is about to happen. I haven't noticed that a black aura was forming behind me slipping from underneath my cloak.

"Raven I like you a lot more than a friend." - he leaned so close, that his face was only inches away from mine. I looked into his loving eyes as he came closer.

"Raven...I love you." - he finally said. I smiled at him slightly while still looking into his eyes. A small tear ran down my face as all my love for him made me say: "I love you too." Then we closed our eyes and closed the distance between us, experiencing the first kisses in our lives. Sweet kisses, joyful kisses, which were becoming more and more passionate. Our mouths were pressing against each other to deepen this feeling. I thought that this is the happiest moment of my life. And I was mistaken.

Because during our kiss the black aura was gaining power from my uncontolled emotions. And since I was so deeply in love with him the aura became the point into which all my powers were escaping. And then, when it reached it's maximum I couldn't control it anymore. It took the shape of a giant raven and flew at us. All I felt was that my love had stopped kissing me, so I opened my eyes, just to see the black raven strike at him with it's claws. The raven closed it's claws and flew up to the sky. However it didn't hold my love's body, but something else. The raven pulled out his soul, and was now flying with it higher and higher.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" - I screamed with horror as I saw this terrifying scene. Tears started to form in the corner of my eyes. I wanted to save him, to get him back. I wanted to do anything! But there was nothing I could do. The raven's power was too strong, I couldn't control it. The raven suddenly stopped, looked at it's victim and devoured it right in front of my eyes. Then the raven disappeared, like it never existed.

I just stood there, too shocked to do anything. I couldn't believe it: one moment I was kissing the love of my life, melting into the first kiss of my life; and in the next moment he was killed in front of me. Killed because of me. His body now lay on the roof without any signs of life. He was dead, his eyes staring at the sky with horror. I crawled to him and lay my head down on his still chest. I cried, tears flowing down my face onto his lifeless body, which was kissing me just a minute ago. Which loved me more then his own life, and paid the ultimate price for it.

Same day, 11:12 p. m., roof of Titans tower

The night has arrived. It's dark and cold. I've stopped crying maybe three hours ago, 'cause I had no more tears inside me. Yet I still felt the burning pain and guilt inside me. Yes, I felt guilty. The others told me, that it wasn't my fault, that there was nothing I could've done. His funeral will be in four days. But I won't go to his funeral. In fact, I won't go anywhere now. I know it was my fault. Because I thought, that I could love without endangering him. Because I thought, that I could be happy. And I was mistaken. It's starting to rain. Clouds gather above me, raindrops wet my skin, my black leotard and dark blue cloak. I pull back the hood of my cloak and look up at the sky. I let the raindrops fall on my face and roll down my cheeks instead of my tears. The wind gets stronger. It's cold northern wind, my cloak waves in the air. Exactly like this morning. Well, not exactly. I no longer feel peace and calm inside me. What do I feel? I can't tell you precisely. The contrast between the feelings in the morning and now is too great. But I can give you a small hint of what I feel. Imagine the warmth of sun on your face, the gentle wind touching your face, everything's quiet and at peace. And then change it in a second to freezing cold rain, you're drowning in your own blood, wind blowing like a hurricane until you become deaf to everything except for the sharp sqeal of the wind pushing you further down to die slowly and full of fear under water. Well, that's something like what I feel now. But the truth is worse. The truth is...I killed my love. It was my fault. It was my mistake.

And here I am standing at the place where all this began today. The irony of my situation reveals itself: the happiest day of my life turned to be my worst day as well. And my last day as well. I'm holding a pistol in my right hand. It's loaded and ready to release me from this pain. I put the pistol to my head. Rain falls heavily on me, lightning shines the night, thunder roars with great might. I close my eyes and think of my love.

"I'm sorry." - I whisper into the night.

And then I pull the trigger.

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A/N: ...Sorry guyz, I swear I didn't want to make it so dark. But now it's finished, so I won't change it. Well...hope you liked it. Once again I didn't use any pairing for Raven, so I'll leave that to your imagination. Plz review! I really want to know what you thought about this chapter. Thx a lot.


	4. A Price Too High

A/N: Once again thx to **AnimationWickedRaven **for being the only one to review this story (I'm continuing just for you:)) OK, I have no idea what is this chapter going to be about. Of course this gonna be Raven centered as well, probaly sad, but nothing else comes to my mind. Well, let's see what is it gonna be!

Disclaimer: I had owned the Teen Titans in my dream, but then I woke up.

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_**A Price Too High**_

Have you ever wandered what's love? What exactly is the feeling that drives you to do things you would never even consider? People say, that the most beautiful gift to give someone is love. To sacrifice a part of yourself just to make the other one happy. As for me I consider love to be an unnecessary burden. It isn't a gift, it's a curse. And as every curse it has to be broken before it can cause harm. In my case the consequences could've been too serious, if I had allowed myself to love. Of course I never knew for sure what would happen, if I had fallen in love, but the danger of destroying the entire world is far too great to try. And that's why I'm going to do the only thing to save the world from the disaster that would mean the end of the humanity and life itself. I'm going to kill myself.

I'm sure you consider me to be crazy to do this, but I must . The happiness of a single person can not be a reason for others to suffer. All my life I've done everything to protect others from harm and I'll do it until my last breath. Even if it means to sacrifice myself. After all, it wouldn't be the first sacrifice in my life. I've sacrificed my emotions time and time again to save others. To ensure that they can live freely and happily. Why should I be happy? What gives me the right to be happy as well? My life is worthless and my only purpose is to defend those, who can't defend themselves. I should be content with this way of living. But I'm not. I want to experience freedom as well. I want the freedom to feel. To feel the love that is denied to me. But I've learned to supress these selfish thoughts so I can see what my duty is, what I must do. Even though it brakes my heart with pain.

Don't think that I haven't tried to find a way to show my emotions without losing control of my powers. I've read many books, yet found no answers. During my meditations I've found out how dangerous true love is. Although it grants great joy to those in love, it is also the pathway to the darkest feelings of the heart: hatred and anger. They aren't visible in the beggining, but with passing time they become more apparent. Even the slightest shadow of jealousy can unleash a chain reaction, that will eventually lead to fights. No matter how happy you are, there's always the thought of losing your love and if you actually begin to see signs indicating the weakening of the relationship rage starts to build up in you. You try to hold onto the hope of saving the love you share, it makes you fight 'till the bitter end. And I can't let myself be guided by such feelings, because we all know the consequences it could bring with itself. No need to worry, I've already accepted this fate. I'm ready to die for the good of others. But I feel...sad.

I know I shouldn't, but I do. I never realized how much I cared for the Teen Titans until this moment. The thought of never seeing them again is agonizing. I guess I'll miss them. Despite their annoying habits I've begun to like them. I'll miss their arguing, their shouting, their childish behaviour. Damnit, I love those bastards! I know that most of the time they act like immature idiots, but they are my friends after all. I truly feel, that they're like a family to me. Like we would be brothers and sisters. I'll miss all of them, even Beast Boy. Too bad he has never seen me laugh at one of his jokes. I feel kinda sorry for him. He was the one who has always tried to make me smile, no matter how many times I've pushed him away from me. He had never given up on me, always stood by my side. Maybe he has a crush on me. Maybe not. Not that it would matter now. No one can save me. In truth I don't need saving. I'm the one who will save them from myself.

I know that they'll be shocked by what I'm about to do, but I hope that in time they'll understand my reasons. I just wish I would have spent more time with them. I've always thought, that I'll just go with them later, have fun after meditating. Most of the time I spent alone, while they were concerned for me. If I could just take back all those things I have told them, all the things that hurt them. But I can't change the past. The future is gone now. All that remains is the present and I'm scared of it. In the movies it's always so easy to do. You just pull the trigger, cut your wrist, swallow the pill. They never show you what does it really feel like. In your last moments you're afraid so much, that you seem to be acting on someone else's command. You don't wan to die, but you know that this is the right thing to do. No, you don't know it. You just hope, that it'll be all over soon. You just need to take one more step. Just one step. But that one step means all the difference in the world. Live or die. It's your choice.

I can already feel my body shaking. Not because of the strong wind of the approaching storm. But because I want to live! The simplest of all instincts is forcing me away from the decision I've made hours ago. I can't believe, that I'm so close to achieving this, yet in these last seconds I struggle to even move. Deep inside I feel, that it's wrong, I shouldn't do this. It's not the proper way to die, it's too cowardly. People aren't born to fall in front of obstacles, they live to overcome them. The bitterness inside me starts to cloud my thinking. Who am I to make a decision like this? I've never killed anyone, and now I'm preparing to kill myself. MYSELF! Once I do this there will be no ME! I will cease to exist. I just can't imagine the void. I mean, what else do you have except for your own existence, the knowledge that you ARE? What is it like, when you touch your skin, yet feel nothing? No, I can't do this! I mustn't! I'll just go back into the tower, lay down on my bed and sleep. And tomorrow I'll wake up as sunshine lights my face, I open my sleepy eyes and all this will be behind me. I'll continue to live my life like nothing ever happened. Is it possible?

No. Of course it isn't. There's no way back for me. Not now. I've come too far to back away now. I've already written a letter telling the others, that I'm sorry for what I'm going to do. I really am. I don't want them to mourn me when I'm gone. My life is irrelevant compared to theirs. I've never really lived my life, and I would never be able to. This is how I was born, it's my destiny. I wrote that they can do whatever they want with my room and all the things in it. I won't need them anymore. They can sell them or take what they want for themselves. But as I know them they'll leave my room as it was. They love me as much as I love them. And one of them loves me more than I deserve. And I know that I feel exactly the same way about him. But I could never be with him. It isn't worth the risk of the destruction of the known universe. As I already said, the happiness of one person can not be a reason for others to suffer. There's too much at stake, too much to lose. The price for my feelings could be too high. I can't allow this to happen. I won't. It's now or never.

I step closer to the ledge of the tower. As I look down I can barely see the surface. There's no chance to survive this fall. And I hope I won't. I move even closer to the line that separates life and death tonight. It's a beautiful night, isn't it? The wind has stopped blowing, there are no clouds in the skies. It's full moon tonight. Can you see it shine? That peaceful silvery ring, how it smiles down on my pale face? I smile back. I pull down my hood and run my hand through my violet hair. Funny, I've never noticed how soft my hair is. It feels good to caress it. It feels reassuring, like I would be a child who is afraid of the dark and the parents try to calm him down. To let the child know that no matter what happens, they will be at his side, ensuring that no harm comes to him. That's the way I feel. But then I realize my situation. One step closer to the ledge. I'm standing at the line now, and I still don't feel prepared to cross it. I once more caress my hair. I touch my skin to feel it's warmth one last time. I turn back so I can see the Moon completely. Behind me is what awaits me, but I don't want to die watching the inevitable come closer. Instead I'll die with the sight of perfect tranquility. I smile weakly.

"Beast Boy, Cyborg, Robin, Starfire. Farewell my friends." - I say to myself. A tear runs down my face as I regret the pain I'll cause to my love.

"I'm sorry." - the last words leave my mouth as I lean back. Nothing holds me and soon I begin to fall.

I'm falling so that others can live.

I'm falling so that others can love.

The Moon still shines above me.

I'm finally happy, my emotions come to the surface.

My curse is broken.

I'm free.

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A/N: Sorry that this is so short, but I swear I have no inspiration left in me. The 3rd chapter was exhausting and too shocking for me, 'cause I never thought that I could write something so dark. Well all these fics are based on my own feelings and experiences. I've projected them into Raven's character. I hope you liked it. I guess I'll write some songfics into this story. Maybe a chapter or two. As I said I need inspiration. I know the perfect songs just need to think of a story. Anyway, plz review. Any opinion/flaming is accepted. I've enabled the sending of anonymous reviews as well, so be so kind to write me. It would mean a lot to me. Thx a lot guyz, so long.


	5. Sing for Absolution

A/N: OK, so here's a songfic. Hope you'll like it. It's a song from Muse, who I think are one of the best bands ever. Don't know how will their song work with the story, but I think their style is pretty good for me.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, Muse, and anything else written in this story, except for the story itself.

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**Sing for Absolution**

Raven was walking through the streets. The same streets which only days ago were full of people going to work, home, or just having fun. The sounds of cars were constant, but not irritating. It was a normal day, no worries. Unlike now. The street once full of life is empty, windows broken, smoke rising from the ruins of the buildings. Wrecks of cars litter the surrounding, the wind is blowing dust from the direction of an island. An island in the bay, an island that represented the pillar of hope in the darkest times. But that tower is no more, four of it's inhabitants are dead. And the fifth one? She's now approaching the place where she had lived for many years. The place that held painful memories and a promise of greater pain to come.

_Lips are turning blue_

_A kiss that can't renew_

_I only dream of you_

_My beautiful_

She had finally arrived at the rubble that once stood high above the ground.The citizens had always thought, that as long as the tower remains and their heroes inside it watch over the town nothing bad can happen. But it happened anyway. The end of the world. Without any warning, any sign of the approaching disaster. In a matter of minutes whole civilizations were destroyed, nations had died, people hunted down by demons. The armies were unable to stop the waves of hellish creatures that had flooded Earth. If there was a God he had abandoned them. And now the dark girl stood silently on the island in front of the ruins. She watched them, maybe hoping that her friends would just arise from them, run to her, hug her. And forgive her. But they would no longer smile, no longer reassure her. She was alone. Alone in a world that was dying, becoming the outpost of Hell. She feels that this is all her fault. She feels remorse. But not because of what happened to the world, but because she had killed even the person who was in love with her. The memory hurts so much.

_Tiptoe to your room_

_A starlight in the gloom_

_I only dream of you_

_And you never knew_

All the moments she had spent with him are gone forever, lost in the coming age of darkness. There's no way to reverse the process, no hope of changing the past. She falls on her knees, so hard that they start to bleed. But she doesn't feel the pain. At least not the physical one. Her blood below her gets mixed with the ashes. She wishes that she would die as well. But there's no reason to die. It wouldn't change anything. Maybe...maybe she could fight the demons back. She has been fighting her father in her mind for years and knew the strengths and weaknesses of the demons. Demons. She is partly demon as well. Is this what she would want to do? She can't bring back her friends, she can't change her decisions. There's no sense in fighting those that are so much like her. Not even her father could set things right. Not that he would ever consider this, after all it is his kingdom. The kingdom of sorrow, suffering and pain on Earth. He is and forever will be it's ruler. And she is his daughter. She is the reason of this invasion. She is helpless. Raven starts crying, her tears falling at the small puddle of blood under her.

_Sing for absolution_

_I will be singing_

_And falling from your grace_

She no longer has to hold back her emotions. No one's left to get hurt. Black auras form around the rocks and they start exploding around her. She doesn't try to calm down. She doesn't want to. She's crying for the first time in her life, she wants to cry all her pain out of her soul. She's the one who did this! She has destroyed the world! She is a monster! The tears are forming small rivers on her cheeks. She can no longer kneel, she falls even further. Now she's lying on the ground, her fists clenched tightly, her arms folded under her head. It feels like she is being torn apart from the inside. She hopes that she would die like this. It's unbearable.

_There's nowhere left to hide_

_In no one to confide_

_The truth burns deep inside_

_And will never die_

_Lips are turning blue_

_A kiss that can't renew_

_I only dream of you_

_My beautiful_

She can't remember how much time she had spent on the island in that position. She has stopped crying hours ago. She had no more strength to cry. But the guilt and the pain have remained. She knew that they would. They will forever haunt her. No matter where she goes she will always be reminded of all the death and misery she had brought to this world. And she will forever know that she had killed her love. He was innocent, he has done her nothing wrong, yet she killed him. And the other Titans as well. Her only friends in the cold world, the only ones who have ever trusted her. They are gone. Gone forever. She is the only one who has remained, a living testament of the horrors witnessed by millions. In time she will be consumed by the grief in her heart. She will become a ruthless killer, bent on slaying everyone. And eventually she will destroy herslef as well. But right now she's broken, her soul filled with self-hatred and sadness. Her name's Raven.

_Sing for absolution_

_I will be singing_

_And falling from your grace_

_Sing for absolution_

_I will be singing_

_And falling from you grace_

_Our wrongs remain unrectified_

_And our souls won't be exhumed._

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A/N: There you go. If you ever get the chance listen to this song. It's worth it. Well, i hope you enjoyed this songfic. PLEASE review. Thx a lot. See ya later.


	6. Starlight Fading

A/N: OK guyz, this is the last part of this collection. I have no ideas left for these kind of stories, especially if they have no continuing. I guess I'll make this a normal fic, Raven POV. Oh and I'll try to make a different ending for this. Well read it to the end, enjoy and then review. Thx, see you at the bottom. :)

Disclaimer: FOR THE LAST TIME, I DO NOT OWN THE TEEN TITANS!

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_**Starlight Fading**_

People usually feel sad when they lose someone who was very close to them. They cry, they wish they could change the past. But I can't allow myself to be sad. The others see me as a cold, heartless witch. For such a comment I would blast them into the skies most of the times, but now I can't feel anger against them. I know that they were hurt by her death. She was the smiling, always happy spirit of the team. Kinda like Beast Boy, but much more innocent and cute. She was like a small sister to us. That doesn't mean that she couldn't take care of herslef. In fact she had had very powerful abilities that have helped us become the team that we are now. No, we aren't the same team. We have lost a teammate, a friend, and Robin...he has lost his love.

Starfire was unlike any other girl. She was unlike any person I have ever met. Not because she was an alien from Tamaran, not because of her powers. It was her attitude, her cheerful behaviour that made her so lovely. Of course I've despised her for her childish life, but after our little incident with the Puppet King I've come to understand what was she really like. She was brought up to rely on her emotions. She was so emotional to protect others. There were many things she didn't understand here on Earth, but her optimism had always made her try even harder to understand all our customs, words and our thoughts. Her curiosity was endless and everyone had adored her. After our bodies were switched I've spent much more time with her and we've become very close friends. We knew each other's life and so both of us could relate to the other one. We had spent countless hours meditating together and she took me often into the 'mall of shopping', as she used to say. I had come to see her serious side as well. I truly miss her.

I can feel the pain of others. I know that they blame themselves for letting her die. We are superheroes, we live to sve others. But we couldn't save our friend. Tell me, what's the meaning of this fight, if we lose so much in the process? She wasn't supposed to die. It should have been me. Compared to her my loss wouldn't be so painful. Of course they would miss me, we're friends after all. But they've never known me truly, there wouldn't be many memories to remember. She was always with them having fun, while I was the one who sat in the dark corner in silence. And now that she's gone I feel like a part of me would be missing. She was like a bright, yet gentle light of a candle in the darkness of my life. I miss her, but I can not even imagine how does Robin feel like. They would have been the perfect couple. It was obvious to us that they should get together, but they never knew how the other one felt, and we didn't want to push this thing. Let it be resolved slowly, they have time. If they don't start dating today, they might go tomorrow as well. And then came the day that has changed everything.

There was a bank robbery in the town. Nothing serious, we thought, but since there hadn't been any alerts for weeks we were glad to finally go stop some bad guys. We had arrived at the scene of the crime when the criminals were trying to escape. Ten men, armed with sub-machine guns, were running to their cars, obviously their way to get away. With a small sarcastic smile on my face I had easily lifted the cars and smashed them into a nearby building. After this moment of surprise the men had noticed us and began to shoot at us. We have spread out, dodging the bullets as well as we could. The fight had begun and it seemed that this is going to be a quick and easy victory. But then one of the robbers had gotten behind me and aimed his gun at me. I had no time to react and I knew that I'm gonna die. But then Starfire flew in and tossed me aside. I fell on the ground and then heard gunshots. After a second the robber was hit by Cyborg's sonic cannon, but it was already too late. She was fatally wounded and bleeding. The robbers had been stopped, but Starfire was dying in front of us. The memories of her last moments are blurry. She had a weak smile on her face and was reassuring us, that she will be alright. This was her first and last lie. We knew that she was about to die. Robin held her head gently. He leaned closer to her, whispered something to her and then kissed her. They parted and Starfire looked at each of us for the last time. When she saw me as I was standing there with my hood covering my face she smiled at me. Then she closed her eyes and left this world forever. Everyone was crying, except for me. I couldn't let my anger, sadness and pain be shown. So I just forced my emotions back into the corner of my soul. I was looking at the person who was my friends, who saved my life. And I didn't cry. I felt like breaking down any second, but found the strength to stare at her lifeless body without a single tear.

I guess I'm a monster. I feel ashamed for not crying. I know it wouldn't have made any difference, but I could have honored her brave deed with showing at least a little sympathy for her. The others are angry with me even now. They say that I should mourn her as well, because if I didn't it would mean, that she wasn't my friend. To tell the truth, I don't know what feel right now. I know I should be sad, but I just can't be. I mustn't grieve her. I must remain emotionless as I have always been. Perhaps I should leave the others. Not for a day or two, but forever. Go somewhere else. I don't want them to live with someone, who seems not to care whether you're alive or dead. They don't want someone cruel like me. They probably don't like me anymore. I can't blame them. I'm probably the worst person to share your pain with. I have to leave them. Or is there another option?

Maybe I could try to be nicer to others. I can control my emotions quite well now, so I guess I don't have to fear losing control of my powers. Mayeb I could try to be a bit more friendly and talkative. I guess it's worth a try. Starfire would certainly like me that way. I think I'll try this. For her.

My thoughts are finally becoming clear as the night sky above me. I can't remember how long I've been standing here, but it doesnt' matter anymore. All that matters now is the life I must live. I must become the girl Starfire was trying to bring out from me. This is the least thing I can do for her. But not the last! I have a lot of books about black magic. Maybe I'll find a way to ressurect her! Yes, there surely is a ritual to bring her back to life! I'll hurry back to my room and won't leave it until I find the spell needed.

I turn and start walking back to the tower. I stop and take a look at the sky again. The moon shines with pure white and small stars light up the night. A small smile is formed on my face as hope arrives back into my soul.

"Don't worry Star, I'll bring you back. You've taught me how to enjoy my life. And for that I'll let you live your life again, so that your smile may bring happiness into the hearts of others as well."

Then I turn once again towards the tower. With swift steps I walk into it, my cape slightly waving. I'm determined more than ever before. I'll bring back my friend.

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A/N: OK, thx for reading this chapter as well. I know, it's kinda short, but I wanted to make this a bit happier then the previous ones, and I think it really turned out to be quite nice. I wanted to make a little story about the relationship of Star and Raven. And I think that she feels the same way about all of her friends. Plz review. And plz read the next chapter, that is an author's note to this collection. Thx. :)


	7. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

Well, this is it. I have finished this story collection, and I'm not planning to continue this. Maybe I'll return, after some rest, and if I get enough positive reviews. This story was a testing ground for me, and these chapters won't be continued. I'm already thinking about new Teen Titans stories and I've exhausted all my angsty ideas for some time. I would like to thank everyone who has ever read this and reviewed. This was quite an interesting experience for me, since this was my first fic ever! The first story I've ever written anywhere! I'm quite satisfied with it, though I know that I'll have to improve a lot. Don't worry, I'm doing my best and I'll try to keep at least the same level of quality in my next stories as well. As always, anyone will be more then welcome to read and review them. I want true and constructive criticism. I'm quite a perfectionist, so I'm obsessed with becoming better.

As for my ideas (plz! don't steal them!): I'm planning to make a South Park/Teen Titans crossover. Dunno if there's anything like this on but you can be sure, that it's gonna be veeery interesting. I just need to gather some more ideas, finish the plot in my head, and then I'll put it up. Info: I'm sure it'll be a parody/humor category, rated M (you know why :)). I'm also planning to make some BBxRae, RaexRob and StarxRob stories as well.

Oh, by the way, I'm a huge fan of Raven! I just loooooooove her! She's my fave character. She's the coolest, strongest, best, etc. character! I'm sorry, if these stories seemed to be too unreal for Raven. I don't think that Raven would ever do anything bad intentionally. I think she cares about others a lot, just can't show it. So, once again sorry to everyone who had felt offended by me / my style / my ideas / or anything else in this story.

ALRIGHT, AND NOW ONTO THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS NOTE. SINCE I'M A NEWBIE LIKE HELL, I'D LIKE TO EXPRESS MY THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED THIS STORY UP TO THIS POINT (those who review later won't be mentioned here; sorry guyz)!

**_Slytherin's Silver Dragon_** --- Thx for reviewing. I promise I'll try to make as few mistakes as possible in the future (I'm writing in WordPad, so I have to check manually the words). Keep up the good work:)

**_raven blackfire_**(anonymous) --- Write what you want. The important thing is for you to like it! Dark and angsty fics are my favourite, so if I find your story I'll be sure to review. YAY! ANOTHER RAVEN FAN! hugs

**_neetfreek_**(anonymous) --- umm, I've kinda decided not to do any pairings as much as possible. But don't worry, my next stories will have pairings in them. :) i just love romance :)

**_CharmedFan232_** --- as I said, these are independent stories, that won't be continued. Maybe I'll use one of them later for a base to start from. And I don't think Raven would do anything like this either.

**_Prince V_** --- ooooh, how adorable! A flamer! Soooo, cute. You know, I feel like hugging you right now:) You are the first to ever flame me. Too bad I have Fire Resistance skill on 107, so I absorb all the damage from your flames. Anyways, when I start writing a chapter I have no idea what is it gonna be like. And I read it only after finishing it. Oh, and Raven didn't die in the 1st fic. So to be precise, she has died 3 times in a row. :))

**_AnimationWickedRaven_** --- And here's the one person who was the first one to ever comment my fic. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! hugs, kisses, takes to a celebration, then takes her home I promise that I'll try to read some of your fics as well, but I don't have much time nowadays (graduation and stuff like that). I hope I'll get some reviews from you in my next fics as well (be sure to check out the South Park crossover, it should be up in a couple of days). YOU HAVE MY ETERNAL GRATITUDE! LONG LIVE THE LOSERS ('cause I'm a loser; dunno if you are one too, but from your profile it seems that we have much in common. No disrespect:))!


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